Today, August 30, 2012, marks 10 years that Robert and I became husband and wife. All the cliches are so true:
I'd marry him all over again.
I married my best friend.
It hasn't always been easy but it's always been worth it.
And the list goes on and on.
He truly is the best earthly thing happened to me. My life had many dreadful moments before him and when he came into my life, he put a great, big, giant bandaid on my emotional wounds from all the years before. He was a gift to me then, he's a gift to me still. One that I'll never understand how I got and one that I'll always be grateful for. And so, here is our story ... at least my side of it. :)
Robert and I met right after he'd graduated from Texas A&M. I had just joined the church a few months earlier and had begun attending the college class there. Robert moved back to Midland to find a job so he started going to the college class as well. I will tell you that it was not love at first sight, on either of our parts. I don't think we were ever formally introduced. It was just one of those situations where we had mutual friends and just started talking and hanging out. We did become fast friends and hung out often, always in large groups. A few months after we met, he asked me if I would cut his hair, but with some kind of discount if he came every two weeks, or something like that. So, I said sure and that is when we really started getting to know each other outside of the large group hangout. And friendship is where it stayed for a very long time, well over a year I think.
But, many ladies in our church had other plans for Robert. He was sort of considered the most eligable bachelor in our church. And why not? He was handsome, had a college degree and good job, was faithful in church, had a beautiful singing voice and clearly served the Lord with his life. People were trying to set him up left and right with someone they knew. And others were trying to set themselves up with him as well. All the while, Robert was doing his best to make it clear he was not interested in dating anyone at all. It eventually became clear that he really wasn't even interested in marriage.
It also eventually became clear to me that I was not exempt from his appeal and I too had a little crush. I truthfully was annoyed by this because I didn't want to be like all the other chics, and also, I sure didn't want to like someone who wouldn't ever like me back. But, it was just a crush and I knew it would eventually go away. Or so I thought.
Unfortunately the crush didn't go away. We began hanging out all the time and no longer with a group. We'd go to lunch, the movies, dinner. We were buddies through and through. All the while my feelings growing deeper and deeper. To make matters worse, everyone around us began to notice us hanging out all the time and then the questions started flying. Are you guys dating? Do you like him? Does he like you? Most of the time I'd answer no to all of the above. But my very closest friends new the truth. That yes, I liked him, very much.
People would always ask me these questions, but to my knowledge no one ever asked him and for that I was very grateful. He was so open about not wanting to date anyone that I thought if anyone ever asked him about us that he'd break ties with me. And even though I was crazy about him, he'd also become one of my very best friends and I was afraid of loosing that.
So on it went, months and months of keeping my feelings hidden. I'm not sure when it happened, but one day I realized that I didn't just like him, this thing was far beyond the elements of any crush. I realized that I was in love with him. Dang it!!
Well, this certainly complicated things. But I just carried on like normal and tried to will the feelings to go away. Then, in the fall of 2000 Robert moved back to College Station to attend graduate school. I was of course, very sad. We maintained in close contact by email and phone and I even made a trip to visit him and my friend Malita, who also lived there. I kept thinking this separation would make the feelings go away, but they did not.
When I was about 22, some very serious and very emotionally harmful things began taking place with some members of my family. I was facing major battles almost daily, but was very ashamed to let Robert know. Even though we were just friends, it appeared he came from the Cleaver family and mine was more like the Munsters. Things began to escalate over several months and due to several events causing damage to my life but of which I had no control over, I decided I needed to make a change. So in the spring of 2001, I applied to and was accepted at Liberty University in Lynchburg, VA.
As I began making plans to attend college, I was relieved I'd be away from all my family drama. But also, I believed it would be that thing that helped me get over Rob. It had become almost painful loving him. He certainly wasn't doing anything to cause that pain. But just loving someone whom you can't tell and has no idea, is a difficult thing.
Around the end of April 2001, things between Robert and I were getting a little weird. We'd always emailed often and kept things friendly. But some of his emails were different and almost flirtatious in nature, which was completely not like him! Finally, I guess I felt I had nothing to loose. In a response to one of his emails, I confronted him. Basically just letting him know I was confused as to where I stood with him.
His response is what completely altered the direction of our relationship. I don't remember exactly what was said, but something along the lines of, "where you stand with me, no one else stands there."
Boom.
Then, by our next email coorespondance, it was like nothing had ever been said. Which left me feeling vulnerable and very confused.
Prior to all of this occuring, Robert had been given a grant to travel to Spain to study the architecture there. And, at the exact same time, I had been asked to go as a sponsor on a youth mission trip to guess where...Spain. And as fate would have it, we were going to be there at the exact same time!
In June of 2001, Robert met up with our mission team in Murcia, Spain. Nervous doesn't even begin to describe what I was feeling when I saw him. We hadn't really discussed any of the new revelations since April. The only thing is I'd asked him that he really think hard about what he wanted and pray about it and that we could talk about it when we saw each other in Spain.
Really, the first few days were very causal and we were the same buddies we'd always been. Very comfortable and friendly. But you could definately tell there were things to be said, that neither of us would say. And I was growing impatient. I didn't want to lead in this and feared he wouldn't.
Finally, on that Sunday after church and lunch, he said we should take a walk. We walked to a nearby park, sat in the swings, and I said, "You go first."
I don't remember everything that was said, but I do know that after that conversation two things were now clear in my mind. One, I wasn't the only one who'd been hiding some secret romantic feelings. And two, I was going to marry this man.
That night, I was journaling all that we'd done that day, and expressing my thanks to God for Robert and I finally having this conversation. And, like any girl would do, I thought I needed to remember the date so we could have an anniversary. Cheesy, right? Well the date itself wasn't really important. What dawned on me was that it was Father's Day.
Exactly five years earlier, on Father's day, the guy I'd dated for 3 1/2 years, the guy I just knew I was supposed to marry, suddenly and without any warning, ended our relationship. Obviously I was broken hearted. I was young, but still it took me several months to get over this.
So on this day, exactly five years later, the Lord gave me my true future. I truly believed the Lord whispered to my heart, "Here you are, beloved. He is what I had planned for you all along."
That fall, Robert spent the semester studying abroad in Italy, and I was at school in Virginia. I didn't know why the Lord would finally bring us together to only set us apart. But looking back, it was so good for us. Yes, the physical separation was difficult. But we were able to communicate and share with each other our hopes and dreams for our future, in a way that I don't think we would have, had we lived in the same town. It was a very sweet time, for sure.
That Christmas of 2001, six months after our relationship shifted from friendship to courtship, Robert asked me to be his wife. Of course I accepted. Then, we kissed for the very first time. Pure magic.
The rest is history I guess. Eight months later, we were married. My heart's desire for four years was finally realized.
The last ten years have had some very difficult times and very beautiful times. And through it all, we've stuck by each other and looked to the One who brought us together for strength and guidance. We get a few things wrong, even after all this time. But I can confidently say we get more things right.
I love being married to him and getting to be called his wife. Aside from my salvation, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. And that's no lie.
The thing I'm most proud of is that we started off friends and we very much still are. He truly is my very best bud. If I have something important, or funny or dumb or serious to say, he's the one I want to tell first. These days, that is a gift.
I sure do love you Robert. Happy 10th! Thanks for making it so great!
